Friday, June 12, 2009

Monsieur Jacques is not 'appy!

How goes, my olds! Here at Sons of the Big Canoe there is mighty big uproar, I can tell you.
And why?
Is it sadness about baby seal-cull? Pfah, no!
Pounding heart for Madame Jean and her appetites? Hein, no fear!
Trembling about that customer of Frugal Colonial Food who has died from Polar Bear Liver? But no, he did not read the label with great care!

What is it, then, Jacques, our brawny son of the backwood, you ask?
Dam Yankee, that is what!
It is this -

Those sneaky Southpaws with their pistol-packing ways are taking the monkey of the Canucks, big way. And how? In no-good, unfriendly border-fencing way, that's how, my braves.

Look here ...

U.S. to boost Canada border presence by 45%

They won't get far, though, by! Jacques does not give one loonie for those cowboys with their "Hey, Jacques, where is your passport?" What is this!!! Jacques loves the untamed bush and the sleek beaver altogether, and he does not need passepartout for his doings! No sir, madame.

And so, fellow proud Canucks, Join us at Sons of the Big Canoe and, pouf, no more USA holiday or visit to Disneyland. Soon they will learn. Come with us Madame Jean, and we will eat seal in their face togehter.

We are not cheese-eating surrender-monkeys like what they say about our cousins, so here's what we do. We ask all those Yankees crossing the border, "Hey, you speak French?" "No?" "Well ... you can't come in. So there .. now go back and smoke that in your hat!" See how they are liking that!


What is more, my cabbages, Mr Nuniwokingkac is, right now, translating this book and calling it instead The Poutine Curtain.
We are floating boxes of them across to Cowboy-land and then we will see who's laughing at last!

1 comment:

Alison Hobbs said...

Who knows? Sons of the Big Canoe might be able to slip back and forth across the border undetected by means of a nifty bit of portage through the wilder parts of New Brunswick into the back woods of Maine. A far cry from the Chihuahuan desert, but worth a try.