Monsieur Jacques is not 'appy!

How goes, my olds! Here at Sons of the Big Canoe there is mighty big uproar, I can tell you.
And why?
Is it sadness about baby seal-cull? Pfah, no!
Pounding heart for Madame Jean and her appetites? Hein, no fear!
Trembling about that customer of Frugal Colonial Food who has died from Polar Bear Liver? But no, he did not read the label with great care!

What is it, then, Jacques, our brawny son of the backwood, you ask?
Dam Yankee, that is what!
It is this -

Those sneaky Southpaws with their pistol-packing ways are taking the monkey of the Canucks, big way. And how? In no-good, unfriendly border-fencing way, that's how, my braves.

Look here ...

U.S. to boost Canada border presence by 45%

They won't get far, though, by! Jacques does not give one loonie for those cowboys with their "Hey, Jacques, where is your passport?" What is this!!! Jacques loves the untamed bush and the sleek beaver altogether, and he does not need passepartout for his doings! No sir, madame.

And so, fellow proud Canucks, Join us at Sons of the Big Canoe and, pouf, no more USA holiday or visit to Disneyland. Soon they will learn. Come with us Madame Jean, and we will eat seal in their face togehter.

We are not cheese-eating surrender-monkeys like what they say about our cousins, so here's what we do. We ask all those Yankees crossing the border, "Hey, you speak French?" "No?" "Well ... you can't come in. So there .. now go back and smoke that in your hat!" See how they are liking that!


What is more, my cabbages, Mr Nuniwokingkac is, right now, translating this book and calling it instead The Poutine Curtain.
We are floating boxes of them across to Cowboy-land and then we will see who's laughing at last!

Governor General, Jacques Shellac elevates you!

What watch? Such watch! Ah but yes, my olds, such time have passed since last I was massaging you all on the air. But now such a thing has happened! What is it, Jacques, you old friend of the muskeg, I hear you say. Have you turned another leaf? Has the veritable Mr Nuniwokingkac eloped again on his endless ramblings? My pretty larks, no. Jacques has kept all his foliage the right side up.

Mr Nuniwokingkac is home from peregrinating in India (but, it's true, he is a much quiet man since that trip. All he say, much of the time is, "Jai ho Ganpati." What does this mean?) No, caulifloweres, the great event that has broke my silence is this ... I was read, in the British Guardian gazette:

CANADIAN GOVERNOR GENERAL EATS RAW SEAL'S HEART

Name of a dog, at last! My eyes was trumped when I read it, my good chums, but there it is. Madame Michaelle Jean, she is one tough cookie, oh yes!

This is the sign, companions.

Gird your legs up and get over here to the Canadas as quick as you can hop.

But wait, Jacques, you say. Fondle your ponies! Why is it such a hurry?
The queues, my friends, the queues! That will be the why. This Madame Jean she have said, "It's good for you. It's very rich in protein" Now you can see! It is global money-crunch?

Yes! We are depressed? Of course! The bankers are self-obsessed? No doubt.
But Nuniwokingkac and Shellac have the answer and it is "Sons of the Big Canoe Uglu Sushi."
We shall be selling all over the world, and you can be part. Pull out your money-socks and look out for our shares. You, my little onions, are my good readers and friends, and so I offer you this chance first.