Monsieur Jacques is not 'appy!

How goes, my olds! Here at Sons of the Big Canoe there is mighty big uproar, I can tell you.
And why?
Is it sadness about baby seal-cull? Pfah, no!
Pounding heart for Madame Jean and her appetites? Hein, no fear!
Trembling about that customer of Frugal Colonial Food who has died from Polar Bear Liver? But no, he did not read the label with great care!

What is it, then, Jacques, our brawny son of the backwood, you ask?
Dam Yankee, that is what!
It is this -

Those sneaky Southpaws with their pistol-packing ways are taking the monkey of the Canucks, big way. And how? In no-good, unfriendly border-fencing way, that's how, my braves.

Look here ...

U.S. to boost Canada border presence by 45%

They won't get far, though, by! Jacques does not give one loonie for those cowboys with their "Hey, Jacques, where is your passport?" What is this!!! Jacques loves the untamed bush and the sleek beaver altogether, and he does not need passepartout for his doings! No sir, madame.

And so, fellow proud Canucks, Join us at Sons of the Big Canoe and, pouf, no more USA holiday or visit to Disneyland. Soon they will learn. Come with us Madame Jean, and we will eat seal in their face togehter.

We are not cheese-eating surrender-monkeys like what they say about our cousins, so here's what we do. We ask all those Yankees crossing the border, "Hey, you speak French?" "No?" "Well ... you can't come in. So there .. now go back and smoke that in your hat!" See how they are liking that!


What is more, my cabbages, Mr Nuniwokingkac is, right now, translating this book and calling it instead The Poutine Curtain.
We are floating boxes of them across to Cowboy-land and then we will see who's laughing at last!

Uglu Sushi: Home-grown Canadian Luxury.

Attention, here it is, my pretty chickadees! All is in production. How strange is life, to be so! One moment Jacques and the veritable Mr Nuniwokingkac are languish in the gutter. The next, Holy Blue, we are the favoured suppliers in Rideau Hall. Oh yes, it's true. No sooner has that ironic lady, Madame Jean, read Jacques's last post, than Pouf! The orders have winged in.

Well Jacques, you say, it is surely no surprise. You are, after all, the man of many clevers. Was it not Jacques Shellac who has first imported refrigerators to Mr Nuniwokingkac's village of Igluknuk? Ah yes, that was a story. But another time.

In the meantime, we at Sons of the Big Canoe must turn our hand to the sushi. Mr Nuniwokingkac, already, waxes his paddle and hones his big knife in ready to hunt the little seals.
And Jacques, he tries the recipes and send them to Madame Jean in the big city for her try. How do you think now? Do you have your money-sock in your hand? Uglu Sushi will be very big, and you will make plenty dollars.

You are a valued Big Canoe friend and so, I have already sent you one free Premier Cru Uglusushi bento box. Soon you will enjoy hand-patted (by own fair thumbs) seal-heart miso rolls, tail-fin nigiri, the classic firecracker flippers sauce and, not forget, wasabi for no extra cost! Such feast!

We already explore new possibilities, too. With enormous expense we has sent out many of Jacque's hardy Quebec amis to search in the far and wide for toothsome tastes. And what have we we found? You will be surprised. It is huge, it is sauvage, it gives big fright with his nasty claw and teeth of yellow ... but he taste good! Yes - the polar bear teriyaki is not to be smelled at, and soon it will be all over you.


And so, finally, I share with you our caring company logo. It will sell Uglusushi all around because it show our consideration for natural food from the wild. We are proud to share, and hope you like. Let us know your mind.

Governor General, Jacques Shellac elevates you!

What watch? Such watch! Ah but yes, my olds, such time have passed since last I was massaging you all on the air. But now such a thing has happened! What is it, Jacques, you old friend of the muskeg, I hear you say. Have you turned another leaf? Has the veritable Mr Nuniwokingkac eloped again on his endless ramblings? My pretty larks, no. Jacques has kept all his foliage the right side up.

Mr Nuniwokingkac is home from peregrinating in India (but, it's true, he is a much quiet man since that trip. All he say, much of the time is, "Jai ho Ganpati." What does this mean?) No, caulifloweres, the great event that has broke my silence is this ... I was read, in the British Guardian gazette:

CANADIAN GOVERNOR GENERAL EATS RAW SEAL'S HEART

Name of a dog, at last! My eyes was trumped when I read it, my good chums, but there it is. Madame Michaelle Jean, she is one tough cookie, oh yes!

This is the sign, companions.

Gird your legs up and get over here to the Canadas as quick as you can hop.

But wait, Jacques, you say. Fondle your ponies! Why is it such a hurry?
The queues, my friends, the queues! That will be the why. This Madame Jean she have said, "It's good for you. It's very rich in protein" Now you can see! It is global money-crunch?

Yes! We are depressed? Of course! The bankers are self-obsessed? No doubt.
But Nuniwokingkac and Shellac have the answer and it is "Sons of the Big Canoe Uglu Sushi."
We shall be selling all over the world, and you can be part. Pull out your money-socks and look out for our shares. You, my little onions, are my good readers and friends, and so I offer you this chance first.